Mastering Self-Regulation: How to Stay in Control Without Outside Help

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Many people have challenges with self-regulating and rely on external coping mechanisms. I believe certain generations are taught to be “tough.” We’re trained to put walls up around ourselves, so we don’t look weak. It’s in our nature to act like we can handle everything at any given time (especially moms.) We need to tune into our fears and acknowledge our weaknesses and find a way to manage challenges on our own. Emotionally immature parents raise children who struggle with emotional control (Very Well Mind.) Your upbringing could have a lot to do with how you respond to situations.

Some adults have a hard time controlling their emotions. This is proven over and over at youth sporting events. All you have to do is observe for a very short period of time and you’ll see parents complaining about everything from the coaches, referees, their own players, the opposing team, and many other things. It shows how many are lacking emotional intelligence. I’m not necessarily perfect in this area, but I don’t scream my head off the entire game protesting every call.

Harvard Health talks about conditions associated with emotional dysregulation which include sedentary lifestyle, high blood pressure, obesity, smoking, and poor nutritional intake. Anxiety, depression and other mental health challenges are also linked to dysregulation. Lack of emotional control can lead to troubled relationships (MAVA Medical.) It impairs communication, empathy, conflict resolution, and sometimes leads to affairs. Here are just some of the ways people use external sources to cope with their day-to-day lives:

Alcohol

Cannabis (gummies)

Vaping/smoking

Food (overeating, constantly snacking or looking in the refrigerator/pantry out of boredom)

Craving sweets and justifying eating desserts daily

Shopping (feeling the need to buy something even if it’s not a necessity)

Sleep aids (relying on melatonin or other sleep medications to fall asleep)

Caffeine (thinking you have to drink coffee all day in order to function)

Mindless scrolling for hours on digital devices

Taking over-the-counter medication for every ache and pain

Oftentimes, people don’t fill their days with meaningful tasks and fail to create a life full of purpose. If you wake up each day and your goal is to just “survive,” then you’re less likely to be happy in general. Going to work, doing household chores, and driving kids around isn’t living life to the fullest. Our culture makes it difficult to find time for ourselves because of both parents working, jam-packed schedules, and the inability to say “no.” Self-care needs to be incorporated a certain amount of time each week, so individuals have some sort of balance. I’m not speaking of lavish spa days, but more about simple, everyday tasks. Learning to manage emotions and impulses starts with healthy practices:

Have a few friends to confide in

Exercise – daily activity (of course!)

Prayer/Meditate

Meet with a therapist

Read/Journal

Focus on perfecting your sleep routine (get to bed early and wake up early)

Practice mindfulness

Spend your money on experiences instead of possessions

Get healthy in all areas of your life (mind, body, career, relationships etc.)

Get a handle on negative thoughts and refrain from ruminating

Think before you speak during stressful times

Spend time outdoors

Create a Healthy Outlook for Your Future

*Focus on sleep, exercise, & nutrition

*Learn new skills or hobbies that build a sense of accomplishment and confidence

*Spend time with people who celebrate your achievements and have similar goals

*Practice gratitude and focus on the positive in your life

*Be compassionate to yourself and others

*Volunteer for a cause you’re passionate about

*Minimize stress

Healthy emotional self-regulation involves noticing yourself being aware of your feelings and finding ways to cope without turning to unhealthy external mechanisms listed above. Being able to adapt to any situation shows that a person is mentally flexible. Finding ways to be resourceful under pressure demonstrates openness to growth and the ability to thrive through change.

Learning to self-regulate in a healthy way is a lifelong skill that strengthens both the mind and body. By understanding your emotions, practicing mindfulness, and developing positive coping strategies, you create space for balance and resilience. Self-regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings, but more about responding thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively. Over time, these healthy habits build emotional stability, improve relationships, and foster a deeper sense of well-being that supports every area of life.

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